thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
