I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm passing your future prison.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
