We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
