i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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