I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
