Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had sex on a dog bed..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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