Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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