I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
