i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
