I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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