I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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