I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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