Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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