Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
