Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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