I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
