im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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