dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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