Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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