I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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