Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
