Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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