Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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