You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
