nut hugger
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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