It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
