At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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