i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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