She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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