I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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