I hate your face
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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