And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
