be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
