I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
