i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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