dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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