They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
