Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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