My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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