im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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