she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
