Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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