I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
