You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
