Small penises have feelings too.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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