If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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