I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
