god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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