Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
