im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
