Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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