I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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