i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
