Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
