I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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