I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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