So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
