The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
