he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
