Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
