despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
