my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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