I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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