If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
